I wake to feel the fell of dark… GMH?

More hours… Another hour in the day, another day in the week…

I wake with the taste of tears on my tongue and an ache in my heart, but there is no time to scrawl the words etched on my heart…


Missing them

More dreams…. More tears….

I was asked the other day if I missed the kids when they are with their dad. It’s become easier as the year has gone along – probably because it doesn’t happen often.

So do I miss them? Absolutely. They don’t talk to me when they are with their father. They are busy with the girls – their new step sisters. And seeing their big brother – he’s at boarding school, but is there when they visit. They love the noise and the mayhem.

But I don’t miss them as intensely as I did a year ago. Time? Or maybe just that I have them all the time, so the odd weekends without are a little more pleasant.

I’ll have 6 sleeps from Boxing Day to New Year’s Day. Six sleeps with no kids. They are all going – this never happens. It’s an enormous family Christmas with cousins and grandparents, so I’m insisting they all go.

I’m not sure about that one. It’s a family time of year, so I don’t know how I will go without them. I’ll talk to them.., but not seeing them?

In my dreams last night, I was missing them… But they’d decided to not come back. Always the greatest fear. So much fun with the extended family. The tumble of extra children. They decided to stay….

One has gone, breaking my heart… I truly don’t think I can handle a second or third going. And no, Universe, that is not a challenge….