I need space… or perhaps I just need the right people here…

I need water. Large… vast… expanses of water. I have them. Out my front door is the lake, and my backyard is the beach… but I don’t have time today to spend the hours there that I need to renew my soul… so I am struggling to breathe… My throat is thick with emotion perhaps? Or perhaps I am simply choking on everyone’s need? But my world is closing in… the air is thick… and today, I cannot breathe.

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A cunning plan

I don’t like people being upset with me. Or hurt. Or angry. Or irritated. It stems from my childhood, I’m sure… The origin though is irrelevant. I don’t like it. It messes with my head. My sleep. Infiltrates my dreams. Dominates my thoughts. Leads to a depressive state. I really don’t like it…

I am okay with me being hurt, angry or upset though. I can live with that. I’d rather not, but I can. It’s a much easier place to be in within myself.

So I have a cunning plan… I just have to make everyone happy again… and then I’ll just shut out the world. Done.

Sand in my hair

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This is my Sunday mornings for summer… The one three hour time slot at the moment when the world simply has to stop and I can just enjoy the salt, sand, surf… and time with my children. Real time with them. Salt water cures.

Mornings

I do not like mornings. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this a dozen times. I also do not understand why daylight savings has to start at the end of school holidays. It’s hard enough convincing everyone to jump out of bed and don school uniforms, without expecting it to happen an hour earlier….

I do love daylight savings though. I love summer. I love the sun on my skin and the sand between my toes. I love the lazy summer evenings in the park and the sleepy Sunday afternoons by the sea.

But nothing will convince me that a crisp summer morning is worthwhile…

Things I want to do…

There are so many things I want to do… so many ideas and motivations… but I am distracted by procrastination options, apathy and laziness… oh, and rain – never underestimate the power of water falling from the sky to dampen the will to get up and do.

I have a million tasks for work that I want to attempt and a million more I am expected to complete (only a slight exaggeration here). However, I seem to spend my time searching for ideas rather than actually doing them…

A bit like my parenting style actually. Loads of ideas. Little action.

I am currently typing this whilst lazing on the lounge with my kidlets. I’m meant to be getting us sorted and into the car to take the trek to visit my dad… It was supposed to be a bus and ferry adventure kind of day – the storms and surf have diverted the ferry though and now it’s a long car trip with whiny, travel sick children…. So instead, I am procrastinating… covering the apathy with the excuse that I am pinning and sharing links for work….

My mind says – ah, but in the summer! Then we will do all of these amazing things. When the sun shines. Yes. Then we will be motivated. We will ride our bikes and collect seashells… we will picnic and explore and we will trawl the coast in search of the exact rocks to add to the growing collection (I think the plan is to turn the place into a quarry?)…

But deep down… deep down I know that we will think about all the things we should be doing, all the things we could be doing…. and we will snuggle down deeper under the covers and share secrets and cuddles instead. But then again, I have a tribe of children who will drag me out of bed at the crack of dawn and haul my lazy backside to the beach… so, in the summertime…

Rain, rain, rain….

I’m over it. As simple as that. It’s rained every day for weeks. It’s rained a lot. The puddles have turned into small lakes. Paths have become a gymnast’s playground – or perhaps I should just focus on perfecting my balance for the summer surf?

The rain affects my mood though. I am grumpy. I am tired. I am unmotivated.

I have tickets to see Strictly Ballroom (which I know will be amazing!) in the city this afternoon… And all my mind is considering is the buses and ferry to get there in the rain… Is it worth doing my hair? What clothes do I own with fast drying power? I really don’t want to carry an umbrella….

I need sunshine. I need the warmth on my shoulders, the breeze on the nape of my neck and the salt in my mouth. I want my water in the ocean across the road, not falling endlessly from the clouds.