Wrong number…

So many odd stories to share from this online dating world… but I’ve just experienced what has to be my current favourite.

Chatting to a guy for a while. Reached the point of swapping numbers. Why is it, the second we exchange numbers, the personality changes?

Soooo…. He started to be a bit needier than before… a bit more dodgy… just that feeling…

Today I receive this:

Hi Darlin… I tried to call – I just wanted to hear your voice… so sorry

I responded – oh, my son had my phone…

Him:

So so sorry…. I could get a room on Wednesday – where would be best? At ***? At *** where I work? Or mystery 4 star in city CBD? Your call baby…

Ummm…. WTF?!? Did we agree to meet? And in a hotel room? The first suggested location is the furthest point from me that is still in this city – diagonally opposite me at the north east tip….

So I asked him – do we have a date for Wednesday?

Him:

Okay… you tell me… Monday? Tuesday? Or Wednesday? Up to you baby girl… I just want time with my Princess….

Followed a few moments later by:

Oops! Sorry!

So, by now I was completely confused. I know I hadn’t agreed to meet anyone next week. There’s no way I agreed to a hotel room! Yes, I should have blocked and deleted, but I needed to work out what was going on… So I replied – I know I haven’t made plans, I have kids and besides, the ‘I’ll get a room’ line is pretty tacky and certainly not what I was expecting…

More bumbling apologies… begging… pleading forgiveness…

But I’m still engaging and trying to work out what the hell was going on…

And then it hit me…

and I asked….

Why *** for the location btw? Or did you send that to the wrong woman?

Bingo! He confessed! But naturally, the ensuing apology came with the excuse – it’s easy for you women, we men don’t have the same options….

So, another funny story. Another happy moment of realising I hadn’t wasted time actually organising to meet. I wished him well for Wednesday night and sent him on his way 😉

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Compliment of the day – I’d love to have a MILF like you! 

Followed shortly after by – seriously, I would treat a lady like you as a princess if I had you. 

Kind of sweet? From someone claiming to be 15 years my junior, I’ll go with sweet! 😉

‘Claiming’ because I have discovered that the young male trying for the older woman, often ups his age…

But hey… I’ll take it 😉 

It’s been the week for compliments actually. I’m not impressed by them. Telling me I’m stunning, gorgeous, beautiful and that you want to marry me, stare at me all day, move half a world away to be with me… These things don’t work. They’re lines. They’re given to every woman with the hope one might fall for it… 

And don’t ask me if I’m single? Do I have kids? What do I like to do? And my least favourite of all – what are you looking for on here? 

Here’s the answer to every single one of the above…. Read. My. Profile. 

That’s the solution. Read the profile. If you get to the end and you’re still keen, send me a message… But make it count. Comment on something in the profile. Don’t comment on my pic. Just please… Don’t. 

Oh, and when I say intelligence is important… I’m actually serious. Not arrogance or braggart tendencies… Intelligence. The ability to hold a conversation about something other than the weather and what’s on tv right now….

I’m not really grumpy 😉 just needing to copy and paste the replies this week! I think the new year has inspired the dating scene…

Another online dating reflection… I chat to these guys… I haven’t yet perfected how to be harsh – although I know I should be… So many cling to any ray of hope…

The guys half my age who are sure that when I say – I don’t want to retire just yet (or the picket fence), that I must be wanting a younger guy… Umm, no… I have a daughter three years younger than you! 

The guys who are desperately searching for their soulmate, the one! And they can tell it’s going to be me from my profile… Umm, no it’s not… I don’t want to complete anyone. 

The marriage proposals. Sure, why not…

The ‘other’ proposals…

The lonely guys who just want someone to talk to and have no actual interest in meeting…

I’m fed up with the opening of ‘My God, you’re beautiful/ cute/ attractive/ whatever…’ Or ‘Hey gorgeous, you have such a cheeky/ beautiful/ intense/ whatever smile/eyes…’  I keep changing my pic to show them – I’m not any of these things. I’m okay to look at… But no, I’m not gorgeous. I don’t look 10 years younger than I am. I’m not going to hightail it to your house so you can lavish with me empty compliments and I can lavish you with…

Even the ones I think are normal… I chat for a few days… They seem genuinely nice. We share some stories and some laughs. But then something is just a little off kilter… Something not quite right… So I postpone the date – I’m genuinely sorry, I know it sounds like an excuse, but the kids are sick/ bad tempered/ just lost their grandma…. Maybe tomorrow night? And then… A different person emerges. A nasty person who is not happy that they are not the top priority. Or a nasty person who is not happy that they don’t ‘get to go to town on you’… Wtf?!? When did you ever get the idea that was going to happen?!?

It’s a crazy world… And I find myself connecting most to those who don’t live here… The impossible ones… And I question why… Is this a subconscious cop out?

And then… And I know you are reading this and I know it hurts you to think of me dating – for this I am sorry… I receive a text from you… Four simple words wishing me a merry Christmas… And I am tumbling… Yours all over again… And I realise why distance is attractive… Why they will never come close… Why I connect with the impossible…

We had a date, did you forget?

Coffee date this morning… But it seems he forgot. It’s been a few hours since last night, I suppose…

He was meant to text when he knew a definite time. It’s 1pm now… I’m not one to let people get away with such poor manners, so I messaged him: 

Hey ____. Assume you must be caught up today as I haven’t heard from you and I collect the kids from school in an hour…

Reply: Sorry. Hectic morning at work and can’t get away. Are you free tomorrow?

Okay, he at least led with the apology… But I had to message before he bothered??

Did you just call me fat?

So… I’ve decided to dabble in that crazy online dating world… Everybody’s doing it… :p

And I can tell you, it’s fun. It really is… But it’s not what I need or want from life right now…

But I’ve met some crazy people – so many levels of crazy in fact… Just one week!

 I’ve been abused. I nicely told one guy, after the preliminaries… Look, you seem like such a nice guy, but you’re ten years younger and you’re looking for marriage and kids. I’ve already been there, done that… But I wish you the very best in your search… Polite, yes? Not wasting his time. So he should have said thank you… Should have… Instead, he abused me!! How dare you say what I want! I don’t want kids with you! You’re nothing but a *insert loads of expletives and name calling*. I’m new to this site and you should respect that!…. At this point, I should simply have blocked and reported… But I replied with: as someone new to this site, you need to be aware that swearing and abusing people is not ok and you will be reported and quite possibly denied access… He response? Oh, sorry… But you (yes, of course it’s my fault) are a judgmental and mean hearted woman. I spoke to you on here two months ago. You live *insert place about 50km from me* and I want everyone to know what you are like!!… Wtf?! Again, I responded… What can I say, I was tired and grumpy and it provided some distraction…. Look, you don’t know me. You’ve convinced me with someone else. You’re obviously not new to this site at all. You need to go now because you are abusive and kind of scary… He responded: admit it though, you want me don’t you?…. Wtf?! Yes, then I finally blocked him…

I’ve ‘met’ loads of awesome people too. Guys who don’t actually want to meet, they just want someone to talk to. I can do that! 🙂

But, I actually met one. Nice guy. Lives near my dad. Let’s have coffee… Still a nice guy, but no chemistry at all… So I sent a message – thanks for the coffee. Loved chatting. Would love to stay friends with you as we do get along well… His response? Sorry, I try to restrict my friends list to people who live within a few kms of me (wtf?!)…. And then, he added on… Btw… I had no real idea what you were going to look like. You could have been anorexic or obese or somewhere in between. You’re quite curvaceous. In a good sexy way… More wtf from my end… So I asked friends – what the hell does curvaceous mean? I’ve never been called that. I was ‘skinny’ pre children and ‘fat’ afterwards… The girls all thought it wa a compliment… I wasn’t convinced… So I asked the guys… They told me – there’s skinny, there’s fat, and there’s the blurry lines in between – you’re in the blur, most people don’t care, some people do…. You’re not really curvaceous… Sounds like he was covertly disappointed you weren’t skinny. So I was right, he did just call me fat! Rechecked the message and there was more – you should add that you’re curvaceous to your profile, some guys are into that kind of thing…

So! Whilst I’m slightly offended… I’m more indignant and amused. But cannot believe he just called me fat! 😂