alice

I’ve loved this quote since I can remember… it just sums up my days so well at times 🙂

I knew who I was yesterday. I knew the path I was on and the vague direction I was heading… but three simple conversations, a text message and an overheard plan… and a new path has appeared to the right…

Three conversations. All about the other person. One has finally left his unhappy marriage, one is not coping with the twists of life, and one has just had his heart broken…

A text message, or lack thereof… one of those ones that just seems to clarify you’re making the same mistakes….

An overheard plan – hatched by my two munchkins… They’d asked if this course was possible and I said – sure, but your father will object…. and suddenly, they are chatting to each other and their friends, working out how to make this a reality…

And suddenly… I find my world is tilted yet again and that path I was on no longer holds appeal… I find myself physically leaning to the right as these thoughts swirl… towards that new path…

I need silence and I need words…

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Daydreams…

Today is one of those days…. Actually, to be perfectly honest, it’s one of those weeks… One of those ones when I know I would have been a better aunt. One of those weeks when I just don’t have the patience…

Or perhaps, what I really need is an Alice. Someone to cook the dinner that they inevitably refuse to eat… or to take them to gymnastics or soccer… or to just get them in the damned car. Someone to convince them to clean their teeth and to go to bed and to just stay in bed. Someone to deal with the squabbling about who knows what this time – and really, who actually cares…

But I’d have made such an awesome aunt. It was always the plan… I’m still not sure how I came to have 4! Yes, yes… I know how it actually happened… and I even wanted more! But I had always planned to just be the really awesome aunt. The one who traipsed around the world, and would zip in every other month, take the kids on grand excursions and sleepovers and bring them incredible presents…. and then I’d traipse off again… That was the path I meant to take….

I want a week… or a moth? a year?…. but let’s start with a week… A week of not having to get out of bed if I don’t want to, not having to cook a single meal or clean up, no lunches to make, no pick ups or drop offs, no sport or play dates, no bedtimes, no teeth brushing, no getting dressed, no homework, no squabbles and no getting in that damned car…

rrThis is actually the reverse of my motivation, but I’m too lazy to create my own meme tonight…

No reason to go is not a good enough reason to stay.

As simple as that. Why stay in something just because you can’t define the reason to leave?

I quit my job this week. Not just my job, but my career. 18 years. Wrote the resignation. Pressed send. Done.

I have no real reason. On paper, it’s a great job with great people. In reality, my passion died a long time ago. I’ve tried to rekindle it, but it’s gone…

I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I don’t do things by halves. They offered to let me take leave… see how I feel… take some time… reassess…. But what it the point? I’m done.

I have no clear path to follow. No guaranteed job to pay the bills. But, I do have some savings and I do have some options, and somehow… I’m certain… it will all work out…

ccEveryone loves these memes! Chase your dreams. Take the leap. Have faith. Follow your heart. Everyone loves them…

But…

When you quit your job… people aren’t so certain they actually want you to DO it…. Maybe chase those dreams a little later… Maybe take a small step rather than an entire leap….

You have children…

You have bills….

You just quit a perfectly good full time job…

In a time when the economy is uncertain…

and jobs are scarce…..

and the cost of living is insane….

what the f@#$ were you thinking?

But…

I

am

happy

So it seems that people don’t actually want you to DO anything. We’re all meant to moan and dream and wish… but not actually DO.

I have had one heartfelt excited response. One person who has said – wow! So happy and excited for you! So incredibly stunned you have actually done it… but so incredibly wow and excited! – and that was from the person I expected to react the least… I didn’t expect the stunned silence.. the quiet recriminations… the subtle questioning of my mental health… or the blatant attempts to change my mind.

Because…. I… am… happy….