Yes…


let’s…

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Tears…

So much frustration… Such an awesome day… A merit… Amazing focus during sport… Then… 

Tears…

Mine of course… 

When he’s off tap… It’s extreme… And so often in front of a crowd… Where I have no support… But witnesses and judgment… And no freaking idea what to actually do… 

Dear diary…


Where is that patience again? And why must it be a virtue??

Woke to a text from the teen Knight: I want to move back with you. 

Replied: what’s happened? 

Three hours have passed after all…

Reply: kill yourself 

Sigh… 

I’ve been up since 4 and I’m exhausted…. It’s only just after lunch… Work, study, kids… Solving the world problems, too, of course…

Baby dragon received an honour award today though 🙂 for sport, of course… 

Baby wizard managed to button his own shirt! He even found socks all by himself… Small, small steps… He’s only 8…

And teen Princess is bored… She finished exams three days ago and her friends are finishing today… 

So why do I need patience today? I need it everyday… Because I don’t have the patience to be abused by the Knight, to never know what mood he’s in from heartbeat to heartbeat… Because I don’t have the patience to stay calm when the Wizard is off-tap and just won’t settle down… Because I don’t have the patience or energy to give any of them the time and energy they demand… And because I’m reading about over-population and I realise I’ve contributed to this… And I don’t have the patience… 😝

Beads…


There’s 7 different colours in this tray… And just as I finished sorting… The teen Princess, as only this princess can, picked up one of the containers… And simply… Dropped it. All over the dark grey shag pile rug… 

1. Who makes cross-stitch kits and throws the beads all in together?!?

2. Can you even discern between crystal honey and sheer maple?!?

3. Why does this child drop everything she touches?!?

4. How much food and stuff can a shag pile carpet contain even though it was vacuumed yesterday?!?

5. Why are the missing beads $20+ per packet on eBay?!?

Im sure there are more questions…

The princess simply exclaimed – oops! You’ll just have to use a different colour! 


There’s a reason teens should be sent to do national service… Or a war of some kind.. Or maybe just to live with those errant grandparents… 

The righteousness! The indignation! The blind, self centred, lazy, indulgent, sociopathic, narcissistic… 

Sigh… Give me strength :/

I hurt…


If you’re fit and active… This means nothing to you… But if, like me, you’ve been happily embracing the lazy, sedentary life…

I hurt! 

I don’t seem to know how to do anything by halves… Oh, let’s do exercise! Zero to 15 (ish) kms every day… Instantly… All week. 

Then! Because the Wizard has no concept of ‘no’, let’s play soccer for half an hour too… Honey, mummy can’t actually move… Run, mamma!…
Currently lying on the electric blanket with the cat, trying to ease aching muscles and joints… :/

Youth..


The self absorption of youth… The angst of a teen…

The Princess is home. Trial HSC exams… Life is tough. Emotional. Traumatic. 

I’d have sympathy if she actually studied… Not just a psychotic meltdown the night before as she tries to cram… She’s had months to prepare… But let’s look at the last 4 days. She’s had those as a stuvac… Yes… She worked a 4 hour shift Friday evening and 5 hours Saturday afternoon… But she’s had 4 days off to study… And I know those social events are important… And Netflix… And 9/10 hours sleep each night is imperative… 

Yeah… I’m struggling with sympathy…

So she’s home. I went downstairs to grab Te washing out of the machine and put another load on… Hung the washing out… Walked into the house and could smell chips! Yay! 

Oh! Chips are a great option honey!!

Did you want some?

Um… Yeah?

But you didn’t ask…

I was doing the washing… I didn’t realise I had to… Didn’t it occur to you to ask?

Argh! Do you want me to put some on for you???

You’re sitting right next to the freezer… You could have already done it by now…

Argh!

It’s fine. I’ll do my own. 

And she sat! 

This is what she does… It seriously screws with my mind. She can sit and watch me pack an entire house and not lift a finger to help. Or feel guilty. It would never occur to me to cook hot chips for myself and not ask the only other person in the house if they want some. 

Yes, she’s ‘stressed’ about exams. Yes, she’s hormonal. Yes, she’s 17. 

But…

I wonder when she became so angry with me… There’s the pretense. And I do think she loves me. But there’s so much anger under that surface. I wonder when she started disliking me so much… The breakup? Or was it before then? Because I remember when she was little… Telling her I shouldn’t be her greatest competition…