Another online dating reflection… I chat to these guys… I haven’t yet perfected how to be harsh – although I know I should be… So many cling to any ray of hope…

The guys half my age who are sure that when I say – I don’t want to retire just yet (or the picket fence), that I must be wanting a younger guy… Umm, no… I have a daughter three years younger than you! 

The guys who are desperately searching for their soulmate, the one! And they can tell it’s going to be me from my profile… Umm, no it’s not… I don’t want to complete anyone. 

The marriage proposals. Sure, why not…

The ‘other’ proposals…

The lonely guys who just want someone to talk to and have no actual interest in meeting…

I’m fed up with the opening of ‘My God, you’re beautiful/ cute/ attractive/ whatever…’ Or ‘Hey gorgeous, you have such a cheeky/ beautiful/ intense/ whatever smile/eyes…’  I keep changing my pic to show them – I’m not any of these things. I’m okay to look at… But no, I’m not gorgeous. I don’t look 10 years younger than I am. I’m not going to hightail it to your house so you can lavish with me empty compliments and I can lavish you with…

Even the ones I think are normal… I chat for a few days… They seem genuinely nice. We share some stories and some laughs. But then something is just a little off kilter… Something not quite right… So I postpone the date – I’m genuinely sorry, I know it sounds like an excuse, but the kids are sick/ bad tempered/ just lost their grandma…. Maybe tomorrow night? And then… A different person emerges. A nasty person who is not happy that they are not the top priority. Or a nasty person who is not happy that they don’t ‘get to go to town on you’… Wtf?!? When did you ever get the idea that was going to happen?!?

It’s a crazy world… And I find myself connecting most to those who don’t live here… The impossible ones… And I question why… Is this a subconscious cop out?

And then… And I know you are reading this and I know it hurts you to think of me dating – for this I am sorry… I receive a text from you… Four simple words wishing me a merry Christmas… And I am tumbling… Yours all over again… And I realise why distance is attractive… Why they will never come close… Why I connect with the impossible…

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