Christmas! I miss child 2…

This is the first christmas I have not had all four under my roof when we wake… And even though I knew it would happen one day, I didn’t expect it so soon… It’s hard enough not having him here… But he won’t speak to me either… He’s blocked me on all social media and on his phone… So it will be an entire Xmas day without him… An entire festive season without hearing his voice or seeing his fleeting smile…

And once again I am feeling sorry for myself… Because not one person has sent a message to offer me strength and love… Because they don’t get it… They see the destruction and harm, the hurt he has caused… But they don’t understand the hurt and scared and incredibly angry child that is within… And they don’t understand that this is MY little boy… Not just some kid you hear about… This one is MINE… And I can’t find the words… Or perhaps I just don’t want to write them down and make them real… But he is mine… And he is not here… And  my heart just keeps shattering a little bit more each day… And no one seems to actually get that… Or they just don’t want to know…

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2 thoughts on “”

  1. Oh hon, I am so sorry. I know how hard that is & I have had you on the brain so much lately. Just know he knows you love him, despite the outward & there is a reason for it all…I truly believe there is a reason for everything (even his behavior-he just has to find it & channel that behavior-thats a tad much for him to do right now…stick with him & he will)…Bad behavior doesnt make a bad person (especially a child) it just means there is too much going on to handle or know what to do. PS it doesn’t make you a bad mother either 😉 Just keep on loving him & wait for it-he loves you!

    Liked by 1 person

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