Regrets

For the first time, I regret ending my marriage…. Everyone told me there would come a time… and there finally has… but not for the reasons they think.

If I hadn’t ended it, he wouldn’t stop me from taking the kids and moving overseas. He didn’t really care too much what we did as long as it didn’t interfere with his own comfort. So, if we were still together, I’d easily convince him that he could visit…it would only be a few months… and once we were there, he would realise that his life is so much easier this way….

The bane of technology….

I never thought the day would come when I would wish technology not to exist… but it has arrived :/ Along with my usual bugbear – homework…

Two children in primary school. Homework is now all online! Yay! At least, that was the teachers’ reactions…

My children are technologically challenged… well, they are 8 and 6. The 6 year old is actually pretty quick! The 8 year old has very little interest in devices that plug in… So, we started Mathletics and Spellodrome last week… each day… each child… Today, we’ve added Edmodo to the mix…

Did I mention they are technologically challenged? Sigh…

Scars

pChatting to a friend the other day, via text of course… and she finished the conversation with a simple text saying – you are grieving for so many things on so many different levels… We weren’t even talking about anything in particular. It was a simple statement – just to tell me I am amazing or something… something positive… but I read that, and a part of my soul stopped, took a breath, and said – yes…. finally… someone actually gets it…

Because, this is the thing. We are expected to move on. To be strong. To not have moments, days, weeks even, when we are sad. When we grieve. We have to always keep it together. Always know the answers. Prove to the world that none of it bothers us anymore. That we are strong and we can cope.

Because, if you don’t cope… if you have a moment or day of weakness. If you try to mention something or someone that has ripped your heart apart… you need to see a specialist and pop a pill or two. You’re obviously not over it. You need to move on. You need to be happy. All the time. Constantly. Every second of every day. Happy. Laughing. Joyous…

But to have it acknowledged – that I have that right to be sad – to grieve… It’s okay to be sad when people die… but it’s also okay to be sad when you walk away from people who once mattered… or when they walk away from you. Or when you make life changes… it’s okay to be sad about these – that your life did not go the way you planned. That the ideal you strove to create proved false. It’s okay to look at the ‘dream’ and realise this isn’t what you want – and it’s okay to be sad about that. And… it’s okay to be furious at the people around you when they just are not there when you need them to be – this isn’t whining and self pity – it’s justified – and it’s grief. When you realise the world you really want to exist… just doesn’t.

Homework…

Beware the soap box…

I’m not a fan of homework – certainly not at a primary school level. If you do insist that it instils good habits, make it 5-10 minutes of unsupervised tasks…

But no…

I have two at primary school age. So let’s make sure it’s at least half an hour each, and that it involves the parents for quality time… I don’t need homework for quality time :/ Oh, and let’s not forget to ensure most of it involves technology…

Tonight, we had:

  • spelling words
  • mathletics (online maths homework)
  • spellodrome (online spelling homework)
  • home readers
  • sight words

Each! This is every single night apparently! The eldest will soon have tasks set via Edmodo as well and be expected to participate in online discussions… And let’s not forget that they have news to present each fortnight – here’s the topics for the term – make sure they practise at home first… and, naturally, we’ll have a couple of projects each term to complete (online) with their parents… Or parent, in my case…

They are 6 and 8 years old! This is insane… My soap box will be smooth from use before this year is out… :/

An apple a day…

I can’t wait for the day my kids finally say – I’ll just grab an apple…not:

Can I have an apple? Cut into squares? And peeled…

No, no… I want mine as a slinky… and peeled…

Can I have peanut butter on toast? I want mine on white bread. I want mine on brown. I don’t like nuts! But… you’re having peaNUT butter… but not the nuts in bread. Oh… the seeds…

Can my toast be cut into soldiers? I want two pieces cut into 8. Umm? Quarters? No. 8. Ok…

Can I have milo? I want mine cold with the milo on the bottom in a big cup. Can I have mine cold with milo at the top in the star cup? I want mine hot in a mug like you have.

I didn’t want peanut butter on my toast! I only wanted butter….

Sigh…. Now it’s time for lunches :/